ADAlim

its 7am now and im typing what i've in mind. i really have nothing much to say for you. it seems like you've made a mess, for at least my life in november to dec 2008? i didn't know that such an indecisive guy actually exist. and im quite disturbed by it. & i thought that you said you were prepared and stuffs but knowing that you aren't hurts me kinda alot. if you have no energy to love someone again then you shldn't have told me that you are ready to give me happiness in the first place? but now that you told me you are not im really disappointed and i feel dumb. the moment you told me you gonna meet your ex up again is like totally fugged up. i feel kinda fooled but then, i guess you do like me. just that now im liking you more than you do. well i just feel that oh" i like you but you dont like me" kinda feeling. i know that you are not ready and its the same for me. but all i know now is that i like you more than you do. i cant bring myself to joke with you or treat you normally again because of that and knowing the fact that you are not ready makes me irritated. im sad and emo and i hate this feeling and i know i dun deserve to feel like this but i deserve it. i guess i seriously need to treat you as a normal friend from now on and this matter will settle eventually. i had many of such feelings before and i know that i can make it through and i'll go like HAHA that was me during dec 2008 when i read back my blog archives again, just that i might be weak at certain times of the day like now. all i can conclude is that you are very selfish and you only think for yourself. and i know i deserve all these because i've hurt you so much. and i duno why but knowing that someone still cares really makes me feel better for at least awhile. i dun deserve your concern and i really dun wan to hurt you again. it seems like i've made a wrong move in the first place and causing myself to be hurt. i thought you might laugh at me but you actually showered me with more love and concern which i totally dun deserve. i feel bad but i am glad that you are here to hear me. its so wrong to tell you stuffs about ANOTHER guy to you. i know that telling you all these will hurt you but if you did not standby me i might not be able to sleep yesterday again. i guess if i were you i would have completely lost the trust in this relationship and would never want to be with you again. but im glad that you've stood by me during this endurance period that im now going through and im lost for words. i hope that you dun feel that im using you. all i know is im really thankful that you are here. thanks for making your way down to have lunch with me yesterday.

im so stucked. i duno what move i should make. i don't want to get hurt again and again. maybe i'll just endure it through like what the "qian" asked me to. hai. ada is super sad. i havent feel sad for a very long time..

i wanna meeting valerie up and jus stay over at her house for a night but she's at malaysia now.

after typing all these im feeling sleepy. but guess i'll go for a jog and shower and sleep again. thats all. thankyou my 4 years 5 months old blog for accompanying ada and letting ada to vent her thoughts on a 7.30am. muacks!

talking about 2008 i was suddenly reminded how near i am to 2009.

posted by lemonade boa.  # Saturday, December 27, 2008